Origin of the Valentine
Whereas with Christmas and Easter and their clear links to the history of the occasion, the religious figure and the way the holiday is celebrated today – the history of Valentine’s Day is somewhat sketchy.
It doesn’t always appear that the historical origin of Saint Valentine had anything to do with romance. Some stories state that he was a martyr and February 14th was the day on which he died – there’s certainly nothing romantic about that! One legend paints Valentine as someone who stood against the Roman Emperor Claudius ?whose desire that all young men in his realm should remain single, affirming his belief that they made better soldiers. Valentine married them to their sweethearts in secret but his noble intentions landed him in jail.
Most religious holidays in modern Britain now have an increasingly commercial aspect to them and the Americans go even further than us! Have a meal in a restaurant on the other 364 days in the year and you will pay a defined amount – but the same meal on Valentine’s Day can see the price rocket. And because we feel duty bound to show our loved one that they mean the world to us, we pay it. Surely any day is good to tell someone how you feel about them?
If it’s a leap year, Valentine’s Day spurs impatient women to propose to their men. Although it reinforces how far we’ve come with women’s lib and equality and all, if your fella is frightened of marriage, he’ll be scared to death when you ask him to marry you in a packed eaterie! There’s not many things nowadays that get left to the bloke and personally, I think proposing should be one of them. If they can convince themselves they’re ready to be wed, it doesn’t usually take much to convince their partner.
For Valentine's gifts to buy your loved one, I think, depends on their personality. If they have a practical nature, then presents such as boxer shorts or chocolates can be romantic, sexy gifts. Hearts and the sexy shade of red are hard to avoid on any Valentine’s gift but there are plenty of presents around that have these things in moderation - which means the boxers can be worn all year round, though the chocolates may not last that long at all.
Women appreciate jewellery on any occasion, but on Valentine’s Day it carries more significance and seems come laden with more romance than if given for a birthday, for example. So take note guys, jewellery’s bound to be a winner on February 14th.
So what if you’re not ‘attached’ on Valentine’s Day – you can still join in some of the fun. Why not surprise one of your male pals in the office and buy him a novelty gift? Anonymity is normal on February 14th so he won’t have a clue it’s from you – but once he opens it and finds fake dog poo or other childish joke, it may knock down the suspect list slightly!
Flowers are very popular, especially red roses as these tend to be already associated with ‘love’. The eighties commercial slogans capitalised on this and made it seem obligatory to buy twelve of the prickly stemmed things – because twelve red roses means ‘I love you’ (according to those marketing men).
Once, a long, long time ago and when I was unattached, I received twelve red roses from a mystery gift-giver. To this day, I don’t know who sent them. I don’t really understand this sentiment, if you are going to pay Valentine’s Day florist prices (which again are escalated from the rest of the year), wouldn’t you want the person to know that you have gone to so much effort and expense? If after, ahem, a fair few years the recipient still doesn’t know that you were their admirer, what was the point in sending them?!
Still, at least the anonymous roses were the first romantic thing to ever be sent to me. Because I am married now…..and still the anonymous roses are the only romantic thing to ever be sent to me….
Where fore art thou, Valentine?
Valentine cards of today have changed drastically from the romantic notes given between lovers throughout the last few centuries. Our language has evolved greatly since the words Shakespeare would have used; the cards we send now would have caused many of them to blush profusely!
I can remember as a child that it was unforgivable to be single on Valentine’s Day. I would purposely choose a boy of timid nature and bulldoze him into being my boyfriend. This of course, meant he had (or at least his mother had) to buy me a card. I’m not suggesting that women, even when grown up, schedule a date in order to not be ‘alone’ at this particular time of year, but various chick-lit books and romantic comedy films have used this premise.
A Valentine’s card can actually be a tool – telling the object of your affection how you feel. If you haven’t got the courage to tell them to their face, the card can do it for you. Though this could only work if they were aware of your existence in the first place. If you have worshipped them from afar, and they have no idea you exist, it may be hard for them to work out the card is from you – and even worse, someone else could get the credit.
Most people put some effort into Valentine’s Day, whether newly attached or long-time couples which means if you are single, it can be hard to escape all the schmaltz. And also, for those that have recently come out of a relationship, it isn’t that comfortable to see couples gazing at each other over dinner, or a huge bunch of flowers being delivered to the person sitting at the next desk. So why not have an alternative Valentine’s Day? Gather up your friends and make sure you have a night where you celebrate all the great things about being single! You know, being able to please yourself, not having to share the duvet and being able to sing badly in the shower with no one giving you a Simon Cowell judgement when you step out.
For many people though, who are bogged down with the stresses and strains of daily life, Valentine’s Day is one of the few in the year that they remind their other halves how much they mean to them. It’s not that they think less of them the rest of the year, it’s just very easy for romance to slip down the list. Because Valentine’s Day is always the same date and with all the commercial hype beforehand, it is difficult to miss! For one day a year, you can be transported back to those first heady months of love and lust.
Because everyone can celebrate Valentine’s Day, it can be hard to find a gift that is a little bit different. Flowers and chocolates are easy gifts to give, but something like perfume or jewellery that takes into account the recipient’s taste is a little more challenging. Another good idea is to give your loved one a personalised gift. You can put anything on there, a declaration of love, marriage proposal or even a private joke or nickname that doesn’t mean anything to anybody, but you two.
A very romantic gift is to name something after the person you love. A very personal present, imagine the look on your girlfriend’s face if you say that she is a star – literally. Or you can even name a variety of rose after her – a fantastically romantic, yet practical gift if she is a keen gardener. Most women love pampering gifts too, so you could buy something as simple as bath oils and a bath sponge – but only if you promise to give her a relaxing, hot massage one night!
Whether the gift is romantic, sentimental or practical - as long as it is something that either symbolises or stimulates feeling between you both then Saint Valentine (and Cupid) would be very happy!
Special Valentine’s gifts for your Special Lady
The perfect gift on Valentine’s Day for any woman would be one that makes her feel like a million dollars. That’s not saying it has to cost that, but it should instil the feeling that she is treasured. And that you’ve gone to some trouble for her. And that it is given with love. And also, that it’s a surprise, not something you picked out together when you were shopping in Tescos.
Tall order, eh? Not really, it just effectively means a man should put some thought into his gift, that’s all. She will probably still be grateful that you have gone to the trouble of picking the least-haggard bunch of flowers from the tub on the garage forecourt as you fill up with petrol – let’s face it, for most men, even this is an achievement. But contrast this with gifts along the lines of giving her a poem that detailed all the key moments of your life together and described your true feelings (you don’t even have to write it yourself – see
www.myredpacket.co.uk), she would be near tears….but in a nice way. That poem would then be treasured by her until her dying day.
A nice bracelet, her favourite perfume (you could double brownie points here – you’ve bought her a lovely present and you’ve gone to the trouble to notice what scent she wears) are other gorgeous gifts - BUT I would not recommend you buy her any clothing – and that includes underwear. For the following reasons:
1. You would probably have to look at her other clothes for her size, but as most women would like to be a little thinner, this could lead to trouble that you know what size she actually is….
2. It’s alright for her to buy herself underwear for your Valentine’s present, but not for you to buy it for her. Confused? Double Standards? This comes down (yet again) to sex. When she buys underwear and offers to take it off for you – that’s your actual gift. When you buy it for her and suggests she take it off later – that makes her feel more like a piece of meat than something dangling from a hook in the local abattoir.
3. Lastly, most blokes would buy what THEY like in women’s underwear, so your lady would probably look more like a streetwalker in her red satin thong than a sex-kitten. When she buys sexy underwear, you both like it; when you buy sexy underwear, only you will actually like it.
That could go for any other clothing, even something safe like pyjamas. Get something too revealing and you could wind up with a slapped cheek. Buy something in flannelette and you could….wind up with a slapped cheek.
I admit, it’s very hard for a man to buy something inventive for his partner on Valentine’s Day…so my tip is, don’t even try. There are tried and tested things, such as what has been mentioned already, and that means there really is no need to deviate from traditional offerings and risk getting your cheek slapped.
I mean, contrary to what you might have thought from my remark earlier, flowers are a brilliant Valentine’s gift. But it’s HOW you give them, rather than what you give. Take a bunch of flowers: a bunch given from Esso’s bargain bucket, or one sent to her workplace for the envy of all her female colleagues (and the men, knowing that the giver of the flowers is likely to get lucky when the woman gets home). It’s not rocket-science.
And take notice of the flowers themselves…a bunch of carnations that could have been dragged from a graveyard, or twelve red roses – which do you think your woman would be happier to receive?
So beware, boys. Valentine’s Day presents can be even more difficult than birthday or anniversary presents – mainly because we all celebrate it on the same day and we ladies can compare our gifts to that of the next woman. Which ups the ante. And adds more pressure. By the end of it, you could be excused from thinking that Valentine was no Saint.
Men are Visual Valentines
It is a widely held belief that women are the more romantic gender and therefore would spend more money or go to greater lengths to track down the perfect Valentine’s Day gifts for their partner. But there is also the argument that most men are savvy enough that they would not dare to walk in the door with a Terry’s Chocolate Orange and say ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ – buying more expensive gifts for their ladies such as jewellery and designer perfume.
This sort of works the other way round - aftershave can be a good, personal choice for a Valentine’s present as the gift-buyer should know something about the recipient in order to buy it; their personality, tastes, etc. But as most men don’t wear jewellery other than a wedding ring and sometimes a ‘bling’ chain, this may not be such a popular choice for them.
Women are more likely to show their affection through gifts to their loved ones. Teddy bears saying ‘I love you’ or heart-shaped pillows saying ‘Dream Guy’ have been known to make more than one man’s face light up….well, maybe not.
This is probably unfair – I just think the majority of men don’t really care that much about what gift they’ve been given, preferring to see their partner happy more than anything else. They probably don’t need to see physical proof that their girlfriend or wife loves them in the shape of a helium balloon bearing Cupid with his arrow. Men are just not built like that.
Women can be insecure creatures and if asked which gift shows their partner’s love the most – a mug saying ‘to my girl’ or a diamond necklace with a delicate heart dangling from the end – what do you think they’d say? Does this make us shallow?
Of course, these are generalisations, and some men may want to be showered with expensive gifts just as some women would be happy with a tiny, cuddly, teddy bear.
But staying with the generalisation, to buy the perfect Valentine’s present for men would probably be to go for something practical – which is why the earlier suggestion of aftershave is a safe bet. You can even get the label personalised now, either making the scent you give him his ‘own’ brand just like a celebrity, or to place your message of love on the front.
Another sure-fire winner is to give a gift that intimates bedroom activity (I’m sorry to drag it down to this level, but if you were to carry out a straw-poll, I’d be right). For instance, give him some moisturiser and he may not be too impressed, but give him the same stuff in a bottle marked ‘massage cream’ and he may suddenly become interested. And let’s not forget about the range of gifts that are a dual gift for you both – such as ladies’ underwear. Before you get the wrong impression, I just mean a man will appreciate seeing his wife or girlfriend wearing it, especially if he gets to remove it afterwards (what did you think I meant?!).
You don’t even have to spend money to give men a Valentine’s gift. Just write down on some nice notepaper ‘favours’ you will do whenever he presents the voucher back and I promise your other half will be happily surprised….unless the vouchers have ‘clean the bath’ or ‘cook the tea’ on them (not the type of favours I was thinking of).
Because men are more visual creatures, a romantic film and a night in with a bottle of wine would give him a Valentine’s night to remember. For one thing, he isn’t spending millions on inflated restaurant prices to mark the occasion, and also, he gets to spend the whole time with your undivided attention. (Plus the thought of cashing in those vouchers will keep him happy even if you put your cheesiest chick-flick on.)
That’s not to say men won’t appreciate any gift you may buy them – and there are still lots of things that I haven’t already mentioned that could be suitable, i.e. designer underpants, chocolates, cufflinks, watches, experience days, and the like. But the interaction with you will mean even more. For example, buying him the experience of racing around a motor track in a Ferrari may not seem romantic, but if you were cheering wildly at the finishing line then smothered him with kisses as he gets out of the car shaking profusely, well, that’s different.
Same with the boxer shorts….I mean, his mum could buy him some boxer shorts. But if you tell him that you know they’re a special brand that slip off easily…ahem – you get the idea.
Men are easily pleased, it’s a given. And sex sells, that’s a given. Putting the two together for your guy on Valentine’s Day is the route to his heart – not the big, tacky one on that helium balloon…..
UK
USA
